Farewell 2009! Bring on 2010!

Farewell 2009
You Haz Really Sucked!

The Basis of Christianity

It has just recently come to my attention that much of

'christianity' is based on Mum really sticking to her story.

Which Religion Should You Be?

I must admit I had a little chuckle at the, 'Are You a Naturally Annoying Person' arm of the flow chart ;-)

Image Source

I Give You a New Commandment

After much consideration I now give you a new commandment.

Thou shall honour #toplesstuesday

Jesus Music - I Will Survive

As you all know I spent a good deal time with sinners the last time I was down. They are just so much more fun. I also spent a great deal of time challenging the 'accepted wisdom' of the established dogmas of the day, which of course got me into more than a little trouble with the powers that be. So this is why I jumped at the chance when I was asked to be part of this video project. Enjoy.

Obama Wallpaper

(Feel free to click on this inspirational Obama wallpaper for a larger version)

Christ Jesus Came to Save the Jackasses
Obama Barack came to Name them!

The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways

A little while back Bob Marley, Frank Zappa and myself were kicking back, sharing a joke and a couple of quiet ales. After a fair amount of witty reparte the chaps thought they might like to revisit the days when the gods played tricks on mortals.

So after a couple more ales we sent a pretty non-descript image, that could have been any of us, imprinted on a fish stick to Canada to see what would happen.

Alas the picture made the papers and will probably make a mint on Ebay.

The lord works in mysterious ways :-)

J de C

Intelligent Design and the Dumbness Gene

Oh Father, I thought you designed the evolutionary process intelligently to ensure the 'dumbness gene' would be bred out!!!

It makes me weep to see the idiocy of the Creation Museum. It also makes me weep that they claim to be endorsed by us. Oh for the voices of thought, reason & evidence!

Michael Jackson is 'Back in Black'

Let's just say that Dad says Michael is doing very, very well know that he is, 'Back in Black'!!!

A Wholesome Life

I'm a thinking you don't get a voice like Tom Waits'by living a wholesome life :-)

Can't wait to have a scotch with him if he ever starts drinking again.

You'd Have It By Now

More times than I care to remember throughout history I am asked to intercede in a war of some kind or another. I'm sorry people but war is a human problem & if you guys really wanted to live in peace you would have found a solution by now!

Please get off your knees, stop appealing to deities, get off your butts and find some solutions!

The Lads or Pat?

Given that I spent sooooooo long with sinners last time I was down. Who do you think I'll should drink & fish with this time around. These guys or Pat Robinson?

Nobody Laughs - Regina Spektor

Pardon me while I have a brief serious moment. I've just added Regina Spektor to my ipod and intend to mull over the message for a few days.

Looking for God

Every Friday and Saturday night we field a lot of 'false alarms'. Most of these are from young people looking for us in the bottom of toilet bowls as they endeavor to work out their body's limits.

The funny thing is that at this point they swear they will never drink again but we know we'll get another call from them again real soon. We've all been through it. If you haven't, you probably need to ;-)

JC

The Most Christian

After checking out a few news stories in the last week or so, it seems to me that the most christian people in the world are atheists.

To those that claim to 'follow' me, have a look at your actions and at least pretend to be compassionate, insightful and intelligent. :-(

JC

PS To those accusing children of witchcraft THERE IS NO SUCH THING!

Jesus' Ipod

Oh so often people hypothesize as to what is on my Ipod. I can assure you that it is quite full of many, many different types of music that I've picked up over the last 20 centuries. At the moment I am really enjoying Springsteen's Nebraska. There is something about the honest storytelling, the insights into the human condition and the music's simplicity that has me listen to it over and over. Do yourself a favour and have a listen to this one.

JC

I've Made Robin William's Act

Robin makes a few choice comments here. He is one I'll be hanging with this time around.

The Second Coming

There are those that believe that this photo is evidence of my second coming.

Dad & Zeus... Drinkin' Again

Dad had Zeus over again last night and yet again they got to drinking. Then yet again Dad started pulling out the 'Jesus Jokes'. How unpredictable.

'So why can't Jesus eat M & Ms?' Dad asks in his best God like booming voice.
'Gee I don't know mate. Why can't Jesus eat M & Ms?' says Zeus.
'...because they keep slippin' through his hands'

Carpenter's Son

Nice use of puppets & irreverent humour. I like their style.

Jesus Saves... and so do we

The biggest growth area in prayer to Mum, Dad & myself over the last few years have been the impassioned pleas to retrieve data. Sorry people, not much we can do there if you haven't backed up your work. Just remember to live these words, 'Jesus Saves... and so do we'.

for the Recovering Catholics

It never ceases to amaze me just how 'ritualised' my messages became so quickly after I got nailed. Now that it is a couple of thousand years later the messages seem lost in the 'dance steps'. Not happy!

The Universal Defence

Every now and then Dad says things that leave me feeling a little upset e.g. 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman!'

The Wedding Feast & a Few Party Tricks

My good friend Siddhartha http://twitter.com/thebuddha today asked, 'How can you find delight and mirth?'

My simple answer today is... Youtube! :-)

Chastity Education

Mum had just a few hang ups to deal with when it came to giving me the 'birds & the bees' talk. 'Chastity is only 99.99% effective!' she would say.

I wonder if that is why we see so many people so messed up when it comes to this topic today?

Major Religions, Imaginary Friends & Pointing

I love this guys descriptions of the major religions, imaginary friends and pointing :-) A very nice stress release.

Water into Wine - Student Loan into...

One of my followers sent me this quote yesterday. Looks like student life hasn't changed much in 2 000 years :-)

'Look I know that Jesus turned water into wine but I once managed to turn an entire student loan into vodka'.

Dashboard Jesus

There is one of those Anglo Saxon swear words in this but I so love the pun :-)

JC

Dad's Joke Number Two

When Dad gets drinking with some of his old Greek and Norse god mates he starts telling 'me' jokes.

'So why did Jesus cross the road?' he asks, 'coz he was nailed to the chicken!' he guffaws.

It's ok though. I forgive Him :-)

Welcome to Hell

I do so love Toby's style. He's got a few things pretty spot on esp the bit about the lawyers.

Paradigm Shift

Blessed are they who have never uttered the words, 'moving forward', 'transparency' or 'paradigm shift'. Yours is a world of 'authentic' language. :-)

Me & the Lepers

As many of you would know, my native language last time around was Aramaic and as such I didn't have the concept of pun.

I must admit I'm enjoying the added dimension pun brings to making me smile :-)

Low Slung Pants

I've been lookin' around and reworking some of my old lessons.

I'm thinking of going with, 'Blessed are they that can wear their pants properly!'

For Dad's sake people, pull them up :-)

Getting a Shave

I was thinking of shaving off my beard for a bit so started shopping for modern implements. I've just come across this advert & am wondering if I'm missing something. Why the neatly sculpted trees? Why is the cat covered in fur at the beginning of the video and completely shaved smooth at the end?

Confused now!!!

Learning to Laugh

If I've learned anything from this whole crucifixion thing is that in times of stress you have to learn to laugh.

Waking Up At Night

You know after this many years you'd think that the nightmares would stop. I still find myself waking up in a cold sweat at night thinking about this whole scene.

Answer to The Ultimate Question

You'd be surprised how many people ask Dad & I for the answer to the 'ultimate question'. So here it is... there is no 'right' answer! It is a trick question on so many levels. You will never get this one right no matter how hard you try!

You may however find that the phrase, 'I love your butt' will get you out of trouble occasionally.

I trust this timeless advice will add to the quality of your life :-)

Baptism Gone Wrong

In my day you had to be old enough to at least say, 'Ok John, push me under'.

I wonder why people dunk babies before they can talk?

Dad's Answer

Dad had a tough time here a while back with being misquoted so he tends to keep his answers brief these days.

Reporter - 'So God, how do you respond to all those fundamentalists bent on imposing their authoritarian beliefs and revisionist history on pluralistic societies?'

First Against the Wall

If my very good friend Judas was here today he would say that these guys should be, 'The first against the wall when the revolution comes'. He would also insist, 'No blindfold or cigarette for any of them!'.

What you you think?

Ideal Mothers' Day Gift for Mum

Mum and I have been doing Mothers' Day for a long time now & she is getting harder and harder to buy for. I'm just wondering if you guys could help me out. She was rather disappointed when I got nailed, and all those crosses still upset her, so I thought I'd get her a 'Me' action figure. :-)

Should I go with the Buddy Christ

the Glory of Jesus doll









or the The Deluxe Jesus?

I'm a bit stuck so am open to suggestions. Feel free to leave a comment about the perfect Mothers' Day gift for Mum.

Wrong on So Many Levels :-(

Walking on Water

Dear Dad,

I was trying to keep a low profile today but freaked some of the kids out at the pool when I failed to break the surface tension :-(

JC

Dad's Joke Numer One

Look I know that Dad has some 'anger issues' but he also has a wicked sense of humor. I see that some of his jokes have become popular with fathers all over the universe as well as being scattered all through mythology.

I'm Back

Without huge fanfares, choirs of angels, shafts of pentecostal light or fantastical narratives I've decided to fall back to Earth to have another go at being human.

I'll see if I can stay out of trouble this time... but I'm seeing a lot more silliness this time around ;-)