Every Friday and Saturday night we field a lot of 'false alarms'. Most of these are from young people looking for us in the bottom of toilet bowls as they endeavor to work out their body's limits.
The funny thing is that at this point they swear they will never drink again but we know we'll get another call from them again real soon. We've all been through it. If you haven't, you probably need to ;-)
JC
After checking out a few news stories in the last week or so, it seems to me that the most christian people in the world are atheists.
To those that claim to 'follow' me, have a look at your actions and at least pretend to be compassionate, insightful and intelligent. :-(
JC
PS To those accusing children of witchcraft THERE IS NO SUCH THING!
Oh so often people hypothesize as to what is on my Ipod. I can assure you that it is quite full of many, many different types of music that I've picked up over the last 20 centuries. At the moment I am really enjoying Springsteen's Nebraska
JC
Robin makes a few choice comments here. He is one I'll be hanging with this time around.
Dad had Zeus over again last night and yet again they got to drinking. Then yet again Dad started pulling out the 'Jesus Jokes'. How unpredictable.
'So why can't Jesus eat M & Ms?' Dad asks in his best God like booming voice.
'Gee I don't know mate. Why can't Jesus eat M & Ms?' says Zeus.
'...because they keep slippin' through his hands'
The biggest growth area in prayer to Mum, Dad & myself over the last few years have been the impassioned pleas to retrieve data. Sorry people, not much we can do there if you haven't backed up your work. Just remember to live these words, 'Jesus Saves... and so do we'.
It never ceases to amaze me just how 'ritualised' my messages became so quickly after I got nailed. Now that it is a couple of thousand years later the messages seem lost in the 'dance steps'. Not happy!
Every now and then Dad says things that leave me feeling a little upset e.g. 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman!'
My good friend Siddhartha http://twitter.com/thebuddha today asked, 'How can you find delight and mirth?'
My simple answer today is... Youtube! :-)
Mum had just a few hang ups to deal with when it came to giving me the 'birds & the bees' talk. 'Chastity is only 99.99% effective!' she would say.
I wonder if that is why we see so many people so messed up when it comes to this topic today?
I love this guys descriptions of the major religions, imaginary friends and pointing :-) A very nice stress release.
One of my followers sent me this quote yesterday. Looks like student life hasn't changed much in 2 000 years :-)
'Look I know that Jesus turned water into wine but I once managed to turn an entire student loan into vodka'.
When Dad gets drinking with some of his old Greek and Norse god mates he starts telling 'me' jokes.
'So why did Jesus cross the road?' he asks, 'coz he was nailed to the chicken!' he guffaws.
It's ok though. I forgive Him :-)
I do so love Toby's style. He's got a few things pretty spot on esp the bit about the lawyers.
Blessed are they who have never uttered the words, 'moving forward', 'transparency' or 'paradigm shift'. Yours is a world of 'authentic' language. :-)
As many of you would know, my native language last time around was Aramaic and as such I didn't have the concept of pun.
I must admit I'm enjoying the added dimension pun brings to making me smile :-)
I've been lookin' around and reworking some of my old lessons.
I'm thinking of going with, 'Blessed are they that can wear their pants properly!'
For Dad's sake people, pull them up :-)
I was thinking of shaving off my beard for a bit so started shopping for modern implements. I've just come across this advert & am wondering if I'm missing something. Why the neatly sculpted trees? Why is the cat covered in fur at the beginning of the video and completely shaved smooth at the end?
Confused now!!!
If I've learned anything from this whole crucifixion thing is that in times of stress you have to learn to laugh.
You know after this many years you'd think that the nightmares would stop. I still find myself waking up in a cold sweat at night thinking about this whole scene.
In my day you had to be old enough to at least say, 'Ok John, push me under'.
I wonder why people dunk babies before they can talk?
Dad had a tough time here a while back with being misquoted so he tends to keep his answers brief these days.
Reporter - 'So God, how do you respond to all those fundamentalists bent on imposing their authoritarian beliefs and revisionist history on pluralistic societies?'
If my very good friend Judas was here today he would say that these guys should be, 'The first against the wall when the revolution comes'. He would also insist, 'No blindfold or cigarette for any of them!'.
What you you think?
Mum and I have been doing Mothers' Day for a long time now & she is getting harder and harder to buy for. I'm just wondering if you guys could help me out. She was rather disappointed when I got nailed, and all those crosses still upset her, so I thought I'd get her a 'Me' action figure. :-)
Should I go with the Buddy Christ
the Glory of Jesus doll
or the The Deluxe Jesus?
I'm a bit stuck so am open to suggestions. Feel free to leave a comment about the perfect Mothers' Day gift for Mum.
Dear Dad,
I was trying to keep a low profile today but freaked some of the kids out at the pool when I failed to break the surface tension :-(
JC
Look I know that Dad has some 'anger issues' but he also has a wicked sense of humor. I see that some of his jokes have become popular with fathers all over the universe as well as being scattered all through mythology.
Without huge fanfares, choirs of angels, shafts of pentecostal light or fantastical narratives I've decided to fall back to Earth to have another go at being human.
I'll see if I can stay out of trouble this time... but I'm seeing a lot more silliness this time around ;-)
